December 2011
24 posts
RT @Mike_FTW: Art http://t.co/aV1CYeFi
RT @JohnFugelsang: Christmas is a good time to realize that not all your family are relatives, and not all your relatives are family.
Totally shoulda bought stock in Chinese Food before tomorrow.
RT @churchcooper: The only thing that gets hippies angrier than the 1% is the Trader Joes parking lot.
I will not buy my nieces an American Girl Doll. That bitch is way too xenophobic!
My sister: “What’s that bump on your cheek near your chin?” Me: “My jowl” #holidayswfamily
If hot air rises why is my old bedroom in my parents’ house so fucking cold?!
Stormtroopers were WAY better shots in the prequels.
If hacking cough guy is on my flight there’s gonna be a problem. If he’s in the seat next to me there’s gonna be a smothering.
Cannot keep a thought in my head longer than 30 seconds today. #stokedtoflyhome
Pupils dilated and waiting for ophthalmologist for one hour, ten minutes. How long before I’m allowed to set fire to the building?
RT @AaronMFlynn: Pure art. http://t.co/gOPQ9PFo
RT @colindonnell: And now for those of you who need to just smile for 5 minutes #whodoesnt? http://t.co/XbC9U0Z4
Hey Hulk Hogan and Brutus Beefcake, if you think there’s nothing wrong with being gay then you haven’t been defamed. #bigotedlogic
It’s nice Mitt Romney has the cash to make a $10,000 bet during a live debate. Wonder if he’d be willing to donate it to pay of my debt?
shit “@amazon_movies:Mon, Dec 12, we’ll have the “Peanuts Collection” on Blu-ray for only $15.99! Check back here: http://t.co/LRGtnSsg”
Charlize Theron should get nominated for @YoungAdultMovie just for the bar/band scene alone. Heartbreaking w/o saying a word.
To all the people who say TDKR prologue, FUCK YOU SHUT UP!!!! #jealousashell
The one day I don’t check my twitter and there was a lighting deal on Minority Report bluray over at @amazon_movies. DAMMIT!!!
Hey @amazondeals This is not cool. It’s actually quite dickish http://t.co/cY8HmhaY
So @youtube re-did their page design and now it doesn’t work on mobile. What kind of fucked up programming is that? Are they @facebook?
“@1NatalieMaines: Please somebody, (intelligent) please tell me this isn’t what they say it is. http://t.co/obIQ36db” WHAT. THE. FUCK.
RT @ebertchicago: To hell with Chase Bank! Deputies and movers refuse to evict 103-year-old woman and her 83-year-old daughter. http://t …
RT @badbanana: My Kickstarter campaign to buy the rights to “Jingle Bell Rock” so it’ll never be played again has raised $3 billion in s …
November 2011
6 posts
“@davidblaine: Shadow art http://t.co/hQYqwWZs” coolest thing I’ve seen in a while
You know what I love about inner ear infections? When other people have em cause this dizzy underwater thing - so not for me #drowningonland
At this rate I’ll be in rehab for my @amazon_movies addiction by Saturday. But at least I’ll have plenty of DVDs to watch.
RT @DamonLindelof: Hollywood Foreign Press = Charlie Brown. Ricky Gervais = Lucy holding the football.
“@ebertchicago: “Tests Show Most Store Honey Isn’t Honey.” Bees take the news calmly. http://t.co/r4ubhMyI” Read halfway down & fear honey
When good intentions aren’t well received I like to bury them under half a bag of baked ruffles.
October 2011
20 posts
Hey @THR, I’m not watching an ad before I watch an ad for a show. http://t.co/Gr98vGJq
RT @amazondeals: Lightning Deal! $9.99 - AmazonBasics HDMI Cable and Optical Cable http://t.co/SceJJKKg
I love that people follow @edgarwright because of his movies with a deft comedic touch yet don’t understand his comedy.
Accidentally cleared my RSS reader before I went through the articles. #losingmojobytheminute
Really Warner Bros., you’re going to take Harry Potter movies out of print in 2012? Well that won’t promote piracy! #dumbassmoves
Ok, I admit it. I’m kinda in love with Siri. THAT DOESN’T MAKE ME STRAIGHT!!!
Haircut, groceries, work out, all done. Don’t have to babysit until 5. Now what do I do? #idlehandsmeetthedevil
I’m watching Jersey Shore and Real World San Diego back to back. Don’t worry I’m ashamed of me too.
RT @simonpegg: “I mourn the loss of thousands of precious lives, but I will not rejoice in the death of one, not even an enemy. ” MLK
The Six Million Dollar Man is on Grey’s Anatomy for open heart surgery. I’m officially old as my heroes are now on bypass.
Perry didn’t answer the medicine question and hijacked to the debate to undocumented immigrants. #perhapsnotsostupid
Was there a memo to the cricket community to invade my apartment that I missed? To my credit, I haven’t killed one yet. HEAR THAT KARMA?!
Ok Community made me laugh out loud and usually the only sitcom that gets me to do that is Modern Family.
OMG get me off the phone!!!!!!!!!!
It may be a “Good Day to Die Hard” but Valentine’s Day is a terrible day to open an action film #boxofficefail
Can someone please pull these horrible @verizon HTC Rhyme ads? Ad agency EPIC FAIL.
They should have waited to put out The Avengers trailer until they had some finished efx and attached it to MI:4 in December #2lil2soon
If Siri works as good as Apple’s autocorrect there should be some phones littering the freeways in a month.
I’d prefer Thomas Jane just said he didn’t like sucking dick for money rather than he “chose” to be straight. #asshat
Fine I admit it, I’d consider a Boba Fett tattoo as well as a Tigger and Linus one. But that’s it for fictional characters.